So one of the great things about having a blog that no one knows about or sees is the fact that I can say just about anything I want. Nobody cares and I end up feeling at least a little bit better at the end of the day.
So I love to run and while I currently find it easy to keep myself motivated, I still want to challenge myself. I downloaded the Nike+ app for my phone and I track everything. While that offers its own rewards I would like to occasionally do some sanctioned events. One event I did this year was the Iola Trail run. I tried it for the first time last year and found it to be really challenging and it was a great experience. I ran it with my brother-in-law and we both had a great time. I had just started running at the time so I had no expectations and was happy with my performance.
I ran it again this year and that was soul crushing. The run is in early spring and in some years the trail still had snow and ice on it. This year the weather was perfect. I was so excited. I ran all winter, although it was inside, and I knew I was going to crush my previous year’s time. Needless to say that was not the case. I actually did worse that the previous year. I was so disappointed. I then got sick for about a week following the run. Nothing serious, just a cold, but it did not help my mood. I was probably getting sick when I ran but…
I ran another 5K last year in my hometown. I did REALLY well. Well for me it was really well. It is an annual event so this year I was going to run it again but due to a miscommunication and being out of town when the registration deadline passed I was not able to run it this year. I was disappointed but it wasn’t a big deal because I am running around 5 miles a night so it was more just to see how I rated against last year in a sanctioned event.
Now we come to this weekend. Apparently last year was “my year” because I also ran the Warrior Dash. That was a team thing so we were not concerned with time. I was able to overcome some fears but that wasn’t really the point. I did have a blast though, so I immediately signed up to do it again this year. That was over a year ago that I signed up. I forgot all about it until two weeks ago. My mom is coming for a visit so I was looking at the calendar when I realized my mom arrives at the exact moment I am supposed to run the Dash. Crap. I told my wife and she immediately said, “Well I guess you won’t be doing that,” and that was the end of it.
Ok, so this is where it is good no one reads this because, what the hell. My parents live in a different state so they don’t come as often as I’d like and with two young girls we do not travel. We’ve gone to visit twice and both times the trip was pretty miserable. I also understand that this is TOTALLY my fault. But really? “Well I guess you won’t be doing that.”? I see her family and do stuff for them all the time but she can’t pick my mom up from the airport once? I know she doesn’t like driving to new places but she has been there multiple times and she used to work not even 5 minutes away from there. And when I said something she came back at me with how it was all my fault, which of course she is right. She is totally right but while I would immediately say, “What’s the big deal? I’ll get her.” She basically said, “NOPE.” So last night I stewed in my own fury and decided to cancel. The fact that I paid for it over a year ago makes it a little easier but whatever.
So after making the decision I was still a little angry and a bit depressed so I was quiet and keeping to myself. She was prodding to find out what was wrong but I deflected and said I was just tired. She then brought up the Warrior Dash and I told her I was not going to do it. She said she would pick up my mom but I had to program the address into the car’s GPS, her phone’s GPS and provide her with written directions to and from the airport. This did not help my mood, actually I could feel fury rising within me, but I said ok. This morning I left a little early for work and drove to the airport taking pictures along the way. I’ve created a sheet with directions and pictures that I will present her with this evening.
Today is our 14 year anniversary and I love her so much. I once heard that loving someone for a lifetime is really just a matter of finding someone you are relatively sure will not purposefully hurt you and I know that she is my someone. I know I’m wrong about alot of things but not that.