Have you ever been involved in something where you were misled into believing one thing while secret machinations were at play behind the scenes? I have been involved in a group that honestly I wanted nothing to do with. I was persuaded and given assurances that the group’s goals were indeed true and that my fears were unfounded. Over a period of time I reluctantly joined the group and while working toward the goal I found that my fears were indeed unfounded. My opinions and input were appreciated and I began to actually care about the goals and even become excited. Then I started noticing people using guarded language. Vague pronouns and reference to work that I thought was under my purview. Suddenly, the rug has been pulled out from under me.
I feel betrayed. And it is early in the morning so I’ve got to sit with this all day. Just sit here in my disappointment and anger. It has actually made me angry. If I had just stuck with my cynicism I would be fine right now. I could have just sat back and said, “See? What did I tell you?” Instead I’ve been made the fool. Betrayed and lied to. Grrr. And it’s not like I can just quit. Now I have to follow through while realizing that I’m really only a mercenary. My skills are needed, just make sure I keep my mouth shut. I almost want to just do what I was going to as spectacularly as possible, but that isn’t what the goal is. It isn’t altruistic. It is something that is else.