Haven’t done any updates in a while, and there’s a reason for that. I have been busy and therefore sick. I have the worst way of dealing with stress. I just stamp that crap down and ignore it. I’m like a pressure cooker and occasionally the pressure releases as heart palpitations, the shingles or road rage incidents resulting in criminal charges… usually it manifests as a sinus infection and many, many snotty boogers.
I did a local comic con. I have friends that have carved out an amazing niche for themselves. My friend Suzie makes pop culture cross stitch. She stitches these amazing little pieces of superheroes, video game and other pop culture things. Her husband Jeffrey mattes and frames them. She does hundreds of these covering almost every hero or meme you can think of and sells them at comic cons. Her booth is one of the gems of the show. They are unique and funny and even if people are buying they will congratulate around her booth and talk about the stitches.
She has been growing every year and this year she reserved an extra table but she didn’t really need it so she offered it to me. I’ve been wanting to try to sell more stuff but I am also conflicted about taking that step. I accepted and started working diligently to create content, the whole time realizing what a failed venture this would turn out to be. As stupid as it may sound, selling out or being some kind of poser was baked into my psyche from years of skateboarding, punk rock and hip hop music. I was indoctrinated at an early age and it’s part of who I am. It can be rather self defeating at times. See, I was going to sell what I wanted to sell and I don’t care if anyone buys. That’s the punk rock thing I think. Problem is the whole second part of that. I do care and by putting my ‘art’ out there they are personally rejecting me. I worked my butt off with dread. I had the worst expectations but I didn’t let that slow me down or stop me from working. Work has been really busy too so I’ve been burning the candle at three or four ends. The week before the show I got sick. All-in-all it was good timing. Helped me let go a little too. I had to take a couple nights off to rest and recuperate. I was never really nervous. Instead I was full of dread.
I was very disciplined in getting ready for it so it wasn’t a matter of material. That was the initial concern but that quickly passed. I have been working these pieces for a while and production is part of my process. I am definitely a process artist and efficiency is a part I find intriguing. The possibility of rejection is what kept building. The night before I was drunk and depressed, convinced this was a terrible waste of time…
Blink and you miss it but I was actually in the video. Anyway, it went alright. I made enough in sales that I covered my table and my lunch. More importantly, I didn’t “sell out” or feel rejected, which in retrospect seemed like a silly fear but what can you do. The mind has a way of twisting things in the wee hours of the night. I had some good interactions with people who really liked my more personal pieces. It was nice getting some feedback. Mostly it’s this, me typing into the void, not knowing why you all keep coming back. It really is for me so I’m a little surprised when people do like it. Turns out it wasn’t about rejection so much as acceptance. It was an interesting day and not a waste of time at all.